March 16, 2003
General Winter Has Fallen Back!
Good news, the General has been beaten back, and Mr. Sun has held Ft. McCoy for 3 days now. Yep, it's been sunny, warm and all the snow has melted into puddles (see Pond/Lake).
Today I'd like to talk to you a little about stress. Now, I've defined stress as disorder caused when one's mind overrides the bodies overwhelming desire to chock the living shit out of someone that desperately needs it. I like to deal with stress with cigarettes and alcohol and push-ups. Others, however, use other tools (see Pranks). Would you like an example? Sure, I can do that.
Last night we had something exceptionally funny happen in the barracks. It began with an ambush. My roommate was in the shower when another soldier filled a mop bucket (remember, we don't have mops, but we do have buckets) with COLD water. The cold water was then hurled at my roommate, direct hit as I am told, and the battle began. The assailant (who will remain nameless, until I get a book deal) then fell back (see ran like a little girl) upstairs for cover. My roommate plotted his revenge as he washed off the filthy and cold water. Seeing that he still had the initiative, the assailant moved to my room and (without me knowing that the battle had begun, I swear) asked to borrow a condom. Now, I believe that any man that asks for a condom, should be given one (unless it's my LAST one and I'm going to need it) and I readily handed one out. Giggling, he left my room and I just shook my head and tried to focus on other things. Moments later (and I am not making this up) he returned with the condom, unrolled, and laid it out on my roommates bed. Specifically... on the pillow. His civilian pillow that he brought from home. Now if you think this is weird, hold on, I'm going somewhere with this.
My roommate returns from the shower, finally clean (again) and in a generally good mood (he's already got a plan for his enemy, and he's feeling a bit cocky), wearing a towel and flip-flops. As he walks in, breaking down his plan for revenge that he can't wait to implement, he looks at his bunk, stops, and hisses, "that little asshole." He then runs over to the door and screams, "YOU LITTLE ASSHOLE!" Now this is where it gets a little weird. My roommate drops his towel by his bed, puts on his gas mask, rubber chemical protective gloves and runs down the hall (for those of you that aren't paying attention, he's only wearing a mask, gloves and flip-flops). He's got the condom in on hand, screaming, "WOOGIE, WOOGIE, WOOGIE" and begins chasing his former attacker (now a defender) slapping him with the condom. Corners him, knocks him onto a bed, jumps on his back and continues slapping his target with the unrolled condom, still screaming, "WOOGIE, WOOGIE, WOOGIE!" Now, if you're not laughing, you had to be there.
As I was mentioning about stress relief, I like chemicals (nicotine GOOD!) and pushups. Some folks just like to run around naked and slap people with condoms.
You know, people at home think that I'm weird. Uh-Un, baby, the world is weird and I'm just trying to fit in.
PS more to follow
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Do your damnedest in an ostentatious manner all the time.
~General George S. Patton
Who's Will Anyway?
What's All This Then?
As most of the regular readers of Rooba.net know, I have a few friends that have been sent or called up for the soon-to-be-conflict in Iraq. One such friend is Will aka Will not weasel or Will from Omaha or whatever other moniker he's using on my site that day.
Will is a pretty good writer and this is the collection of his writings. It'll be interesting to hear updates from a soldier's point of view, so I'll be posting them for all to read.
Take care Will