Hello All,
Everyday I gather up the soldiers in my squad at 1300 for a quick briefing on all the new news and events. It's also a good way for me to give the kids a moment or two to bitch about whatever is on their mind, or pull me aside afterward for more individual problems. Well, something a little odd happened yesterday at my squad meeting, one of the guys who is usually pretty quiet said something very astute.
I was saying something along the lines of, "and we still have no idea when we'll be done with the ammo wash mission."
And I heard, "Isn't a fucking mission…"
I looked up at who said it, and said, "Go on, you gotta a gripe, bitch about it and get it out of your system." I didn't realize that the man had mushroom clouds in mind.
"This isn't a fucking mission, sergeant. It's a fucking joke. It's fucking busy work thought up by small minded, career minded assholes that have only their own, tax-free pay checks and command time in mind. We are trained in Nuclear, Biological and Chemical Warfare, Sergeant, and we're washing down crates of ammo! It's bullshit on a level that doesn't even qualify as BULLSHIT anymore. At least when we were helping out the marines our purpose was helping other folks get the hell out of this place, but now, now we're washing boxes! I volunteered to join this unit and lost a semester of college, and I have no bitch about that. But, if I loose the fall semester, putting me a full year behind on my life, because I'm washing crates of ammo, this whole system can kiss my ass. Fuck the Army, fuck the G.I. college bill, fuck the Chemical Corps. I'm gonna quit and make sure that everybody knows what drove me too it."
And I stood there, shocked and grinning. Shocked because this man hadn't bitched since I'd met him, at least not in front of me. Grinning because he said everything that I have been thinking for about 2 weeks now. It was like the little boy pointing and saying, "The Emperor has no clothes!" However, I can't say anything like that, it would be bad for morale to hear squad leaders telling their troops that the mission was bullshit and their leadership was full of ticket punchers. I probably shouldn't be saying it here, but I need to rant, and here it is.
There are rumors that our battalion commander is holding us back so he can make some big money (he makes loads more than I do) and since this is a forward area, this command helps his career out quite a bit (getting his ticket punched). I do not know if this is true. I down play it in front of the troops because while it's ok to bitch about your command, this might spark a more explosive reaction, and some of these guys are pretty aggressive. If it is, I hope that man gets sent to purgatory and held there for an extra long time, washing boxes, assuming that he hasn't already earned a limo ride to hell.
Granted, it did feel good to help out our marine colleagues so they could go home, but I feel like a trained monkey washing boxes. Insulted, you may ask? A bit. Seems that the Navy unit that owns the ammo sent 75% of it’s people home early, and that's why we are washing the ammo. I guess that it's still better that sitting around with my thumb inserted rectally, but it's just a bit weak for guys that have spent so much time training for a real mission.
Maybe somebody should think about what we're actually doing with this ammo. We're cleaning it up to put it on a boat so it can go back into storage. I'm pretty sure that our troubles here in the Middle East are far from over, call it a hunch (duh!), so why don't we just leave it here and save it for the NEXT war. I sure that won't be too far away, but what do I know, I'm just a sergeant.
As for quitting the whole program when I get home, well, I've thought about that too. Quite a bit, actually. Turn down the commission, turn in my gear and quit the whole damn program. Grow out my hair and become a regular civilian… it sounds kinda nice, but I don't think that I can do it. The problem is that I still believe that I can change the system and do something good. I still believe that I can help my country and make the Army better, and that is why I'm here. I'm kinda like a battered wife that sticks around through all the physical and mental abuse, believing that things will get better tomorrow, and that I can change my abuser with enough time and energy.
But these things aren't the root of the problem here. No, the root of this problem is one simple number. The date we're going home. We have NO idea when that is, and it is driving people crazy. Things aren't falling apart, yet, but it is becoming more difficult to keep people motivated. Granted this place isn't too bad. There's a PX, nightly movies and the chow isn't bad. But we are still living in Transient billeting, 18 people to a tent and some people with less than 10" between their cot and the next. All of this could be alleviated by giving us a date that is solid. If we’re going to be here for a full year, so be it. A date written in stone will give us a goal, a goal that can be achieved. Days can be counted down to, and I can use that for motivation. For the troops, and myself.
I love you all,
Will
PS Mac came up with a great title, "Wash Down: The destruction of a Army Reserve Unit." You see Mac is looking around and taking note of all the people we're going to lose on account of this trip. I was estimating 30-40%, but as things progress, it's looking closer to 50%. I really can't blame them, as Mac put it, "I'm still not convinced that NBC is a real MOS (Military Occupation Specialty, see Army Job)." We've been misused and neglected for far too long to think that any but the true believers would want to try this shit again.
Hi Will,
Wow. I feel bad for you guys. I can understand what you must be going through, being the leader, of having to try to keep your people's morale good, while having to temper what you say about the brass who are pulling the strings. They say it's hard at the top, and they're not kidding. Someone should be giving you all an idea of when you're coming home. They can't seriously expect morale to stay up when they are jerking you around like this. I totally agree with your idea of just keeping the ammo there. I too feel that there's gonna be ongoing problems over there, and it doesn't make any sense to have you guys washing boxes of ammo that they're taking somewhere else only to have to eventually bring them back anyway. This proves military intelligence is definitely an oxymoron. My thoughts and prayers are with you guys, and all the people who are still over there having to deal with the cleanup. I know it's tough, but hang in there. You guys are not forgotton, and there are many people who are pulling for you, and thinking about you. I do think that one person who cares deeply, like you, can really make a difference. You are a good leader. The Army doesn't deserve you, but they're lucky to have you.
Ahhh....flashbacks.
PS - Non-mustang officers are 95% scumbags.
Posted by: GORDON on June 8, 2003 04:01 PMWill
Why is that the higher up the peckerhead order, oops, MEANT pecking order, the IQ/commonsense ratio starts to decline, rapidly?!
Please know, Will and rest of service men and women, that those of us lacking in the "hutchpa" to enlist, are grateful and respectful of the fact that you took a stand to make a difference, regardless of what your position or job is in the armed services. It takes a special kind of person to look beyond the immediate personal gain and at the long-term impact - and, make no mistake, your courage and the strength of your convictions have positively impacted Americans, not as a "war mongering" nation but as a generation deciding that the 'buck stops here.'
So, regardless of your job - know that you and your crew can stand tall and proud as Americans, not only in other countries but also in your own.
Hi Will,
I've never considered posting here until now. I found your site, and others quite interesting and somewhat comforting to read, as I have a jarhead friend somewhere over there who I only hear from sporadically. I myself was regular Army many moons ago and completely understand the frustration all of you must be feeling. However, give your commander the benefit of the doubt. Surely, he wants to go home as badly as the rest of you. He only has so much control over the situation. Trust that the top of the totem pole is looking at the forest. Whereas the lower on the totem pole you are, the view is limited to the trees.
Additionally, here are some other ideas to consider:
Perhaps since they are still hoping to find WMD, they want to keep your unit around should some fool contaminate theirself in the process.
Regarding getting stuck washing down other people's stuff, I offer the following:
If not you, then who? If not now, then when? It would be worse if you were sitting around with absolutely nothing to do, time would go by even slower.
Regarding not knowing a date:
Don't you think it would be worse to be told that you are leaving on "X" date and then that date be changed then to just not know. Nothing lasts forever. This too will just pass into a distant memory.
I've always believed we have two choices when we don't like a situation, 1) change the situation or 2) change your attitude about the situation. When you can't do number one do number two. And no, I'm not saying shit on it all, I'm saying a change in attitude can make day-to-day living, at the very least bareable.
My hope for all of you is that this be over soon and everyone is back where they belong. But, I also want the job to be finished this time so our troops don't have to go back in there in another 10 years.
I admire your service and dedication. You sound like a great leader, and would do well as an officer.
Take Care!!!!
Posted by: rkinla on June 8, 2003 04:54 PMrkinla has a point Will...actually, several points. *ducks to avoid the flying object you've tossed my way*
I'm in a bit of a rush at the moment, but wanted to say I still remember you're there! (btw...my marine friend has returned to Az)
*REALLY ducks now, since you most certainly are looking for something to throw at me now!*
Sorry..forgive me. You'll get home eventually...and you're making extra money doing nothing...something more civies I care to admit to would and attempt to do everyday. (not me, but know some who do)
Hugs and thougths to you all
Judi
Posted by: Judi on June 8, 2003 05:38 PMOne note about being a regular civ these days and your comment about growing out your hair....it is now considered "sexy" to have very short, VERY short hair...so you can at least think of that when you think about where you guys are.
....hey are there any women around to appreciate you??
We are missing out....
And maybe the soldier who thinks he is missing out on his education can remind himself - you usually learn alot more being on site and with REAL experience than you can in school...the problem is that the same guy who is punching the ticket that keeps you there is the type of monkey you will become if you only have school paper to show for your life
...enjoy a spec of peace in your adventure while you can, you never know whats around the corner
Wish you are here
love
American Goddess Down Under
Sorry to hear you so "down in the dumps" this posting. If it makes you feel any better, those of us waiting at home for our loved ones to come home are a bit anxious too. We want them home yesterday only if to say good-bye again so they can do another stint in harm's way. We just want to be SURE that they're OK and the best way to do that would be to physically see them ourselves. An actual DATE OF ARRIVAL would help the time go by faster. Something real that we could circle on the calendar so we can begin planning for that happy day.
Anyways, some women DO think that short (even Bald) hair is very very sexy so even if you Do decide to become a civilian, don't let the locks grow too long.
Take care, Will. Post soon. Kris
Posted by: Kris on June 8, 2003 08:52 PMThis wouldn't happen to be you, Will, would it? Thought it fit anyway.
http://www.pauleester.com:591/FMpro?-db=chupaweb.fp5&-lay=chupaweb&-format=/chupa/index3.html&-recid=34421&-find
Karen
Kenosha, Wisconsin
Will -
Knew this day would come when the shit would start to hit the fan. And I also know you are doing your best to keep things going there - even if you have to blow off some steam with us.
Keep doing what you are doing, keep believing you can change what's wrong with the system and keep your hair short.
Lot of love, support and well wishes still coming your way.
Shell
Hey, son, I just printed the picture from the site Karen provided, so will tie it around the snail's neck and hope it gets to you eventually. Hang in there - we love you.
Mom and Dad
Will,
Sorry to hear about the morale problem. Here's to hoping that your squad's skills aren't entirely overlooked/underused by the uppity-ups before you leave AND that you soon know when you'll leave.
Your desire to effect change is admirable. More power to ya.
Gotta agree with Goddess; really short hair is rather appealing these days.
Aloha,
Amy (the single magazine editor in So Cal)
Will
Thought it might make you feel better as well to hear a small but distinct list of jobs worse than yours:
1. Urologist - People actually purposely go to school 10+ years to examine butts and what comes out from there??!
2. Podiatrist - Ewww - nasty toe crud.
3. High school teacher - having to deal with hormones AND attitudes!
4. Odor testers - well, that one speaks for itself (see your previous post about socks and torture)!
5. Elephant care giver - This is an instance when "warm and steaming" is not a plus.
Hope this gives a chuckle to brighten at least a moment!
Take care
Posted by: LV on June 8, 2003 11:35 PMWell now I have a nasty image of our President in his birthday suit. And that is down right troubling and disturbing to me thanks to that "Emperor Has No Clothes" reference. No thank you for that, Will darling. But I know you meant no harm.
I, for one do not mind a fella with a little length on top for a gal to run her fine fingers through. I say if you have a nice head o hair then sport a bit of fringe if you like.
It is the freedom to be able to grow ones hair out and not have to shave that I believe Sgt Will was a craving, ladies. Just to do as the man pleases and sees fit to do when he sees fit to do it.
But as I have stated before, as long as y'all come back with nary a hair outta place or in otherwords safe and sound, that is what we care bout most.
Not too worry many here echo your sentiments re: the BS and need to remain for any extended length of time.
If indeed it is learned that not only does the Emperor have no clothes but Saddam has no WMD's, well....some folks may request that you bring your high powered washers to clean house in Washington.
That may or may not be a job y'all would wanna stay in to do.
Enjoy the show,
Szaffie
Hi Will;
Sounds like the natives are getting restless, and I am sorry that you have not received any word on when you will get to come home. Just remind yourself and all the guys over there, that we haven't forgotten them or you. Ya'll are in our prayers everyday. I truly believe that one man can make a difference, so hang in there. Keep safe and just vent towards us that way you can stay positive for your men.
debby
Posted by: debby on June 9, 2003 09:03 AMWill;
Isn't it great when someone finally says all the things you can't? I'm sure getting to speak his mind helped a great deal. There aren't a lot of superiors that would take the time to hear it, even if they did agree (pat yourself on the back, you deserve it).
You know, it's usually hard to be objective when you are stuck in the middle of a big pile of... But, hopefully when all is said and done and you're ALL state side, some of those that are talking about leaving your unit will look back, over many beers (of course), and say it wasn't so bad and that maybe they'll stick around.
Just remind them that no matter how menial the task (polite way of saying shit work), we appreciate them and everything they do!
And if any one person can help keep them smiling and hopeful, it's you (another pat on the back with no pressure at all)!
After all, look at all of us that keep returning for more...
Take care and keep your heads high!
Kathy
Just want you to know that I love your writing and I check your site everyday. It will be great if you can publish your writing as a book when you come back. Maybe someday you can make it into a movie. I feel bad if I don't tell you that I love your stories. Every time I read your stories, I visualize the things you describe as if I really saw. Remember the book, ‘Catch 22?’ Your stories are just as funny as this book. I read it in Chinese when I was a little girl. I remember how much I loved it. If you really put your writings into a book and if you like, I can help you translate it into Chinese and publish it in China (of course, if you ever care for). Anyway, thank you very much for all the stories and I hope that all the lucks will always on your side.
Take care,
Sorry your date has not been made. But I still think you guys are still on a very serious mission. And you have to remember that, if something was found and you were not their you'd be kicking yourself for not have had the chance to use your skills. So it's not over yet. So hang in their you'll be home soon. Take care!!
Posted by: Chris on June 9, 2003 11:57 AMOk, for some entertainment, I've posted a topic out on the Forum in the Entertainment section to see who we think should play Will in the upcoming movie (thanks for the idea Jie).
So go check it out and let's see what we can come up with.
Sorry Will - but this could get ugly :)
Posted by: Shell on June 9, 2003 12:24 PMWill, do you think anyone will find WMD?
Posted by: Erin on June 9, 2003 01:14 PMUGH! We understand...Neal really does...he was in the Army in 'Nam. Hang in there, please. I will up the homecoming reward to two or three beer and a couple batches of sugar cookies. Our best to you from your Boyden friends.
Posted by: Karen and Neal on June 9, 2003 03:44 PMYou really do have spirit! Hang in there, you will get home. I check this site each and every day-you've given many people some great laughs, wish I could meet you some day.
I used to think life was a Bitch most days, you've helped me realize that I've been stuck in my own little world and that I've needed to wake up.
You've touched my life in ways I can't explain, I'll be checking back very soon to read more rants!
Posted by: Mary on June 9, 2003 04:27 PMWill,
You make a great leader if your troops are not afraid to tell you how they really feel.
Hopefully you will stay in the military we don't have enough good leaders.
Take care.
Jan
Will,
Hang in there!! it could be a LOT worse. you could all be coming home in body bags. I know things are tough but hang in there.(sorry about the body bag commet but many of our men and women didn't make it home and I'm sure their family would love it if they were washing ammo instead of where they are now) try to always look on the bright side!! there is light at the end of the tunnel, it may be far away but there is light.God Bless you and all our troops over seas.
love SherriSherri Miller
Will,
Hang in there!! it could be a LOT worse. you could all be coming home in body bags. I know things are tough but hang in there.(sorry about the body bag commet but many of our men and women didn't make it home and I'm sure their family would love it if they were washing ammo instead of where they are now) try to always look on the bright side!! there is light at the end of the tunnel, it may be far away but there is light.God Bless you and all our troops over seas.
love SherriSherri Miller
Will, I think what you and your men are doing is admirable. There are men and women alike here in the states that just bitch and moan. But never get up and do anything about the situation. You have stood up and made a difference in so many lives you just don't know. I don't know how it must feel to be away from your families, but I can say that when you do look back at least you did something that your family is so proud of you for doing. I don't know you and I am so proud of you and your men that I keep coming back to read your stories. God keep you and your men safe.
Hugs, Renae Houston
Hi Will,
we are return and we aren't forgot to write,big nice!Beh,have you found the friendgirl?Heythere is very hot also here,instead to work we go all to sea...
'this summer I want go to sea for to see the beach umbrella....'it is a song very old,or beginning of exhaustion....You are pretty consider last letter is more short and it is less translate.
Kiss by 3 italian nice girls
Milena,Adriana,Ilaria
Actually, you can let your boy know that it probably wasn't some Army officer that wants ammo crates dirt-free (in the desert, of all places, one should know cleaning gear to CG inspection quality is like vacuuming up all the sand in the desert-you can't reasonably accomplish that "mission') but rather a U.S. Customs officer who wants to make sure that all that dirt which they believe might contain something nasty is gone so we don't import malaria or Northern Iraq al-Tikriti Man-Eating Kangaroo Squirrels (nasty buggers, those) into the liberal paradise of SoCal. Politicans control the military, and as long as they do, the military will be be subject to the corruptions , mediocrity, and whims of politics
Posted by: CPL Fiero, Russel T. on June 16, 2003 08:31 AM
Will is a pretty good writer and this is the collection of his writings. It'll be interesting to hear updates from a soldier's point of view, so I'll be posting them for all to read.
Take care Will