Hello All,
Greetings from sandy Kuwait. I hope that all your summers are going well, and that you have ready access to cold beer and long weekends. The good news here at Camp Patriot is that we've moved, the bad news is that we're still here.
Now, since the first week (see April 27th, my birthday) we arrived here, they (the powers that be, see Navy) have been telling us that we were going to have to move from our luxurious (not bad considering where we used to live in this country) accommodations. Please understand my skepticism and disbelief when I tell you that every time I heard this rumor I held my breath in anticipation (see Not), and every time we didn't move. So, you can imagine my surprise when I was told that we were moving, and unlike every other move during this adventure, we had plenty of time. Our new tents were just a wee bit smaller, but we were given more of them, so the space wasn't nearly as cramped. Personally, I like to travel light and keep my personal belongings in the tent to a minimum, so moving wasn't a big deal for me. Some others decided long ago that my advice was worth lip service, and had tons of fun moving all their stuff (see Crap) across the compound.
There were several comedic instances during the move, mostly psych-gags where people would drop things or fall over and bruise their shins. The truly funny (and actually very sad) thing was when one of my troopers decided to move his shelves.
When we first arrived, the tents were standard General Purpose Tents, but they had wooden frames (VERY nice in a sandstorm because they are much more stable than tent poles). Some of the guys decided to build shelves and racks on the frames, and we encouraged them to make themselves at home. One, it helped with the clutter of all their gear (see Crap), and Two, it gave them things to do during their time not washing equipment. Now, when we moved, some of the guys didn't want to start from scratch, and so they pulled down their shelves and moved them to the new tent. Specialist J was one of those individuals. Now, I wasn't there when it happened, I was in my tent playing solitaire when I heard a call on the radio.
"CQ/CQ Runner this is Sierra Two," the First Sergeant called.
"Sierra Two this is CQ, go ahead" the CQ Sergeant replied.
"CQ, we're going to need a hummer down here to run a soldier to the TMC (Troop Medical Clinic, see Army Hospital)."
"Roger that, the runner is on the way."
I looked up at Jeff with a quizzical expression; he knew what I was thinking.
"Man, I hope that isn't one of our guys," Jeff said with a look bordering anxiety. "I almost don’t want to know."
"Really," I asked, "sure about that?"
"No," he paused, but I already knew what was coming next. "You'd better go check it out."
"No problem," and I walked out toward the command tent.
Well, Specialist J has been having a rough trip so far. He has hurt and injured himself more than any two people I know. Nothing serious, minor cuts, bruises and sprains, at least until moving day. Those of you that understand foreshadowing can see what's about to happen. J pulled his shelves off the tent frame, set them on his cot, and then sat down on his cot. What J forgot was how he kept the shelves in place on the tent frame. Nails (yep, you guessed it). J, like all the rest of us, used nails to secure his shelves to the 2 by 4's of the tent frame, and when he sat down, he remembered very quickly.
Now, I wasn't there, but from what I was told, J sat down, realized his mistake, and leapt up screaming something that my mother would rather I not print here. At first his buddy laughed thinking that J was just playing around. Then he saw the blood. I didn't know that ass wounds bled so much, but by the time I got caught up with him, he was in the TMC.
I headed straight for the command tent, and intercepted J's buddy outside, and only then learned that J was the injured party. I also learned that on the way to the command tent, the boys ran into some corpsmen (see Navy Medics), and they gave him a lift to the TMC. A very charitable thing to do, but before they gave him a ride, they had to examine the wound. I thank God that I wasn't around for this part. Apparently, the corpsmen examined J in the parking lot across from our old tents. In broad daylight. It was probably a good thing that J was wearing shorts at the time, so he could just lift up one side, but after he did, he heard the corpsman say, "Dude, he got nailed in the ass," and laughing could be heard on the other side of the camp. J, in a great deal of pain, did not think that this was funny at all (imagine that?).
I was able to catch up with J at the TMC, lying face down, and wincing as a medic probed the wound (to see how deep it was, or so he said). For those of you thinking that I was giggling, snickering or laughing out loud at my young troop's misfortune, you would be correct (as soon as I learned that he was going to be all right, that is). This might be a bit juvenile, but J was penetrated in the ass. Nailed in the ass. Poked in the ass, and then probed in the ass. Ok, it's really juvenile, and wrong to laugh at another's misfortune, but I couldn't help myself. And, in my defense, everyone at the TMC was laughing with me.
The strange thing is that there were two nails in the board, but only one puncture wound… eeewwwwww. He really was violated by a nail!!!! Nah, just kidding. From the holes in his underwear he determined that the second nail barely missed the outside of his thigh. It's a good thing that he's skinny, because that could have been ugly.
J is healing up nicely, no infections and he getting along much better now. The jokes have pretty well died off, but everyone will always remember him for getting nailed in Kuwait and then showing off to the Navy.
I wonder if that ever happened to Bob Villa?
I love you all,
Will
Will, I am laughing right along with you on this one, but I glad the fella is okay!
Posted by: Shannon on June 17, 2003 12:53 AMLOL! You're quite right that it isn't funny at another's misfortune....but hopefully he'll be able to look back at this as being funny somewhere down the road after the ache has subsided.... ;)
Would love to meet you once you're back in Omaha.... :)
Posted by: Brenda on June 17, 2003 01:00 AMOkay...even though it really is juvenile, I laughed so hard at this post that tears came to my eyes! Again...thanks for the laughter Will. Stay safe, keep finding humor in an intolerable situation, and give that guy a smack on the ass for me. 20 bucks says hes going to be paying pretty close attention to where he sits from now on!
*Still laughing*
Wait a second, our beloved Will was playing "Solitaire?" Say it ain't so! I can hardly bare the thought of it - course that may be the safest course of action given the frequency of Specialist J's mishaps. Not to add to his em-bare-ass-ment but it seems that perhaps he may be one for whom certain warning labels and idiot proofing type measures are made for. I do wonder how he will explain that glorious war wound to his grand kids one day? Perhaps y'all should award him a special medal or commendation for his misery and providing entertainment to the troops. "To Specialist J aka "Hammer Time": In recognition of willingness to put your best asset into play in service of your country. A nail in your "shelf" is better than a nail in your coffin, soldier. Thanks for making Camp Patriot feel like "This Old House."
Will, I'll shuffle if you deal ;]
Szaffie
Posted by: SzaffireBlue on June 17, 2003 04:57 AMYou make me laugh and then the news comes on about another fatality of a war that "is over". According to Bush anyway. Take care, Will, and you and your "comedy group" come home safely and SOON.
Posted by: Louise Cook on June 17, 2003 08:25 AMAs we like to say, if you can't laugh with and at your friends, who can you laugh with and at?
Considering everything that COULD have been punctured, the ass isn't so bad...
Thanks Will, for a laugh that was well needed in a week that has already been too long!
Take care and keep laughing out loud!
Kathy
OMG!!! I think my whole office is wondering if i lost my mind. I still can not stop laughing. That poor baby i hope he is going to be ok. Send him my love!
Hope you are going to be able to come home soon:)
April
Will,
It was really good to see your post.
Glad that you are at least Moving to different locations, (maybe the next move will be to home).
I feel sorry for the poor guy, ( maybe he will get a purple heart ).
Jan
Posted by: Jan on June 17, 2003 12:22 PMI'm with April, my coworkers are wondering what is wrong with me as I wipe away my tears of laughter! Thanks for keeping us entertained. Send my well wishes to J.
I hope you all come home safe and soon!!
Posted by: Jamie on June 17, 2003 01:08 PMIt was great to hear from ya again Will. Keep them funny posts coming. It's too bad that move wasnt the move home. They're saying most of the troops will be home by August but we'll have to see. Give Specialist J my love for being nailed in the ass. That had to hurt. Poor kid.
Godspeed and God bless.
Jennifer
Posted by: Jennifer on June 17, 2003 03:34 PMOh Will...
One day J will get you all for laughing at his misfortune and stupidity!!! *laughing my ASS off !!*
Er, I mean shame on you people...laughing...(hahahahahahha) at poor J....*wipes smirk off face* Oh hell, I can't stop chuckling either! Your insightful (and unfortunately for J, rather appropriate) comments, "This might be a bit juvenile, but J was penetrated in the ass. Nailed in the ass. Poked in the ass, and then probed in the ass." were oh so comforting to him, I'm sure!!!!! Thank goodness for you he never heard them from your lips, Will! I also hope he can laugh one day at that incident. I hope.
Well, you kept saying you wanted to be MOVING, but you should have been a little more specific, eh? (Methinks if J had been praying to get 'nailed' soon, *wink wink* HE ought to be a bit more specific too!) Perhaps the NEXT move will be a bit further...make sure you mention in your prayers EXCACTLY how far, and WHERE you wish to be moved to! (See HOME, USA, BACK WHERE MOM LIVES)
Hugs, Prayers, and Good Thoughts to you, Will...
Judi
LMAO!!!poor guy!! I bet that'll leave a mark.:) :) Don't we ALL do (stupid) things that we wish we hadn't??? Give the poor chap my best and remind him to "look before he leaps." I'll send up a good thought for him and his ass.
Thanks for the laugh, Will--glad y'all could find something to snicker at even it is at someone else's expense. Take care, God bless and Godspeed. Thoughts and prayers, Kris
Hi Will!
Nice to hear again news from the camp..
How is the poor J?
After his "carelessness" i can immage that all of you will be less..relaxed when you sit down! Attention please, to your butts and outskirtses!!
stay safe, hoping you'll came home soon!
Ilenia
Will,
You really have a way with words. I hope you will consider becoming an author some day for $$$. I know you'd be a great success! We continue to support and admire our brave and courageous U.S.servicemen! Take care!
Hi Will,
That poor guy :) Pretty funny. That's gotta really suck! Yuck! Icky poo! And in the ass-very tender area for most of us. Glad to hear he's okay. The crazy things that can happen when one moves. Hopefully your accomodations are a little better, with a little more room. You guys make sure you watch your backsides ;) Gads, I'm in a quite the mood. Hopefully the next move you hear about will be the one where you all get to come home. You have a way to make me laugh so hard after a long day. Keep the posts coming, stay safe, and hang in there. You're all in our prayers.
Will
Hope J at least got a "kiss" before he got nailed! Poor guy. That one'll take a while to live down.
Hope you and the rest of the troops are headed home to your families soon.
Posted by: LV on June 20, 2003 11:27 AMHi Will, it's been 3 days and I'm counting since your last update. I look fwd to your postings as much as I look towards receiving mail or a phone call from my son (no comment-please!). Hey, around mid-May their unit went on a mission, mums the word no more detail on what they were to find, since they've been searching for WMD, well - they thought this is another WMD mission, Nope! it was shovels, they found hundred of shovel buried all neatly stack in crates (of course I'm skipping a few words my son chose to describe this "mission".
I love my soldier son and pray that Angels watch over all our service men and women. Thank you Will for your wonderful humor in spite of this ridiculous cat and mouse game, keep your head up high and believe that soon you will be home. God Bless You (go play some tennis).
A.
Posted by: A. on June 20, 2003 04:55 PMWill:
Poor J! This could have been a real tragedy. My Mom was head nurse in an emergency room for more than thirty-five years and she saw this type of injury more than once. Right before she retired she had a construction worker visit the ER with a similar injury. Only difference was he had two puncture wounds to the underside of the fruit basket. YOWWWEEE -- I’m a chick and the thought is sickening to me! Needless-to-say, Demerol and a quick trip to the OR fixed him right up. Luckily, no permanent damage for Bob the builder. With all the talk of “getting nailed” I thought you might need a cold shower, and, well, I thought this story would kill any erotic thoughts. (By-the-way, this was a true story.)
Seriously, I truly hate that you and the rest of the troops are still in the Middle East, but I thoroughly enjoy your posts and will miss them once you are home. I agree with the post from Judi, you need to be more specific when you pray. Believe me, He does listen and He does have a plan. Only God’s timing is perfect. Keep your head up, learn something new everyday that you are there, and I’ll continue to pray that you (and your troops) are able to return to your home(s) soon.
Regards,
Donna
PS: I flew over the great state of Nebraska for the first time last week on my way to a bioterrorism conference in Reno. What a beautiful sight from 30,000 feet. The lush green fields looked like an old granny quilt with all the different planting and irrigation patterns.
hey,
hello friend,two girls think you and if we are all together we amsement us.Beh!Morale goes up and smile with this joke:A drunk see an ugly woman and exclaim: 'but you are ugly!'She piqued:'and you are drunk! The drunk: 'yes,but to pass me tomorrow'.
A tender greeting Milena and Adriana
Find your www.ALL-FIORICET.COM here, 100% discrete!
Posted by: fioricet on June 14, 2004 04:57 PMJoin the Linux community.
Posted by: Manasses on July 6, 2004 02:06 PM
Will is a pretty good writer and this is the collection of his writings. It'll be interesting to hear updates from a soldier's point of view, so I'll be posting them for all to read.
Take care Will