Hello All,
There are loads of new things going on here in Camp Patriot, well, not really but I've got to start this off somehow. I'm working on a "Top 5 things I like about Kuwait", but I'm coming up a little short, by about 4 things. The one thing that I like about this country is seeing it in a rearview mirror, but that's generally ruined when I see through the windshield.
Before I get started I would like to quote Dave Barry by saying that I am not making this up. Yeah, I'm sucking up a little here, but I like his column and his books and I think that it would be very cool to drink a couple beers with Dave and BS about all the interesting things that happen in life. Ok, so I'm sucking up a LOT, but what are you gonna do, at least I'm not putting a link to Dave's webpage in here, you can find it on Rooba's page.
Yesterday was interesting one. We began preparations to leave this wonderful country. Hold on a second, we still don't have an exit date or anything resembling one, but as good NCO's, we like to try to stay ahead of the officers above us (that way we are always ready and look like we know what we're doing!). The process involved taking everything off of our trucks, sorting the equipment; counting the equipment and then loading it back onto different trucks so it will be easier to prepare for the trip home (see Washing, Sorting and loading into large cargo containers). Those of you with prior military experience, and those of you that can read between the lines (see smarter than your average bear) might read, "Busy Work," into this job description, and you would be correct. However I am not here today to bitch about doing "Busy Work," I'm here to tell you what it took to perform the busy work.
The best official description of the "Busy Work" is Preparations to Prepare for movement home. Now if that sounds redundant to you, you are paying attention. But wait, there's more! Before we could Prepare for the Preparations, there had to be at a meeting to determine what needed to be done in which manner during the Prepare for the Preparations Operation. Oh no, I'm not done yet! Before there could be a meeting to determine what needed to be done in which manner for the Preparations to Prepare for movement home, there was a meeting to determine who and what needed to do what with which in the meeting to determine what needed to be done in which manner for the Preparations to Prepare for movement home. If you think that's a handful to read, you should try figuring out how to write it (I need some preparation H, talk about a hemorrhoid!)
So, you might be wondering, "Did anything get done after all these meeting and preparations?" Yep, everything went pretty smoothly. I say this because we knocked out all the Preparations before noon, and the 130 degree heat.
This chain of events in not restricted to military operations, for I have seen VERY similar redundancies in the corporate world first hand (I'm not sure where it began, corporate or military, but I'm not sure if the chicken or the egg came first either). There are even instances at a certain telecommunications company I won't mention (rhymes with best, but really isn't thanks to one megalomaniac jerk named Joe that decided to run the company into the ground and walk away with millions! Bitter, not really, I LIKE my new civilian job!) where this would be a shortened version of how to get things done.
My Biggest problem with the whole sort, count and reload process is if we don't go home after the ammo wash is done. If Uncle Sam has other plans for us, we just wasted not only yesterday, but also another day undoing all of our hard work. Let's just say that I am praying that when the ammo is finished, so are we. So far the luck of this company has been just short of awful, but I believe that we are due for a break.
Oh, and I apologize for not breaking this news to you earlier, we are not wearing our baseball hats. I know that this caused quite a commotion in the comments section of the web page, and Shell nailed the issue right on the head. I don't usually respond to things put in the comments section. The way I see it, I get the web page to speak, and you get the comments. You loyal readers are the checks and balances to my little ranting, and I appreciate all you do, even if all you do is read and giggle every now and then.
These little rants started off as me blowing off steam (see Army life can be dumb), and I figured that if I could make my Mom laugh, she wouldn't worry so much about her son going off to war. Well, things have kinda steamrolled, and now this webpage seems to have a life of its own, but my intent is still the same. I want to blow off some steam and make my Mom laugh so she doesn't worry so much about her son living in Kuwait (I don't have to worry too much about Dad, he's tough). So please enjoy yourselves, say whatever you want in the comments section (I really enjoyed the threats, talk about funny!). I'm serving my country to defend our freedom of speech, so enjoy it.
I love you all,
Will
PS Spec J would like to thank everyone that commented on his story for their support and understanding. He is going through a tough time, but is getting better every day. Well, better if you consider that he hopes that Erica will get Gonorrhea and rot in hell. Personally, I think that he's letting her off easy.
You're so funny please take care and we love you too!!!!! and all soldiers!!!!
sincerely,
a.
oh, I forgot to tell you I'm going to Los Cabos - Mex. for vacation you and all will not be far from my mind no matter where I'm at my soldiers are in my prayers
love you all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
un abrazo/beso
a.
Hysterical!! Thank you for cracking me up over the months, your letters are awesome. Take care of yourself.
Posted by: Tracey on July 13, 2003 05:00 PMI wish I had prepared a funny response to this rant, Will, but while I was busy preparing to prepare a response, I got a response to my phone message I left someone, and had to stop preparing a response to you, in order to prepare to speak to the caller and in turn, respond to their response of the prepared memo I sent them when I was preparing an itemized list of needed changes at work, and how to prepare for these changes.
Then I got lost and confused, preparing and responding, so I just decided to take a cold shower and then had to prepare for THAT! *rolls eyes* (See Am I in the Military yet?)
DAVE BARRY???!!! Whoo hooo Will! Have you ever read his travel guide?? I keep it in the master bathroom so when I read it and laugh hysterically, I don't have to make a mad dash to the bathroom before I pee my pants! (oh...and I'm not making THAT up!)
Well, we've hit 113 degrees here, with it already 85 degrees by 5:45 AM so I hear your rant 'bout that as well. (See eerily parrallel existances here) We just stood around today at work, walking, sweating, guarding/correcting, doing paperwork, etc., and us officers watched each other sweat. Sweat and be miserable. (we wear combat boots, BDUs, duty belts, 5,000 lbs. of equipment on those belts, etc., so empathize with you guys)
As far as J goes, let him know that I am personally blaming Erica for EVERY bad thing that has occurred on this earth since it's beginning. *smiles* Locusts? Erica's fault. Rivers turning to blood? Erica. My aching back from previously mentioned duty belt? Erica's fault, damn her! You guys still in Kuwaiit? That wench's fault as well! In fact, I know that my fish tanks turning cloudy last month was Erica's fault as well. *grrrrr* Triple digit temperatures both you and I are experiencing are her damn fault too! Was told the whole Iraq war...in fact, EVERY war...has been her fault also!!!! And as far as nails in butts and washing your own washing equipment (which is coming, I feel it) IS ALL ERICA'S FAULT!!!!!!! And karma will 'get' her, trust me Will & J. Oh, it will repay in spades. *shudders* I would sure not like being in that backstabbing, sneaky, lying, slutting wench's shoes right now! *hugs J* *smiles at Will*
Now, if you will excuse me, I am required to take my tired self (See worked a double shift in this horrid heat) to the kitchen to prepare (arggghh!) dinner .... if I don't fall asleep on the stove first! (Just in case, I'd better prepare for that occurrance and prepare a place to sleep on the stove) It's not like it will burn me...I LIVE IN A FREAKING OVEN FOR CRIPE'S SAKE!!!!!
:)
Ahem........
Er, *heh heh heh* I went away for a bit but I'm back now *grins sheepishly* Sally forth, Will, and slay thy dragons! (see SM's) Godspeed, Hugs, Prayers, & thoughts of you & yours,
Judi
Posted by: Judi on July 13, 2003 08:14 PMHi Will,
Thanks for making me laugh hysterically! I just got done with another drill weekend, and I'm physically and mentally exhausted. I don't feel sorry for myself though. When I think of what you all are doing over there and the sacrifices you all are making, I'm very humbly grateful for the many blessings I have.
The military can be something else at times. Your wonderful sense of humor lifts many people's spirits. It helps us all keep things in perspective.
I can definitely relate to the things you talked about with the meetings to plan the preperations. I don't think I could have written that one paragraph you did unless I had copious quantities of tequila. I laughed so hard, I almost choked.
Am really looking forward to seeing that book (which will be a runaway bestseller) when you come home. Tell Spec J to hang in there. I imagine he has many female admirers on this site after your "Dear John" post.
I hope you guys hear something regarding a definite date for coming home. You all are in my thoughts and prayers. I wish with all my heart that I could send some nice cool Wisconsin weather over there to give you all some relief from the heat. God bless you all. Hang in there, and stay safe.
Fight the good fight, soldier! :)
Posted by: Tess on July 13, 2003 11:15 PMDear will!
Are you living better days, from when you've known about preparations for moving home, isn'it?
i'm very happy for you and for all the soldiers.
To your place i would be excitated, electrified to the idea of return home...!
i want to thank you for every time you've make me laugh with your rants, even if you were talking about from a war place....But your sense of humor is great!! You are a spirit's person...a comic person in your daily life in Wisc.?or-not??!! Lucky your friends and family!!!
Waiting for news again,
greetings!!
Ilenia
Posted by: Ilenia on July 14, 2003 07:30 AMHi Will;
It's good that ya'll are staying in practice for the big move home. Okay don't yell at me it was just a joke. You sound a lot like my son, "don't worry mom" I am okay. We have not forgotten you guys and gals over there and ya'll are in our prayers. Take care
debby
Posted by: debby on July 14, 2003 08:35 AMWill ~ I have read everyone of your stories and I can't wait for the book to come out !! I will be the first in line. I haven't posted much, just wanted to let you know that you and your guys are in my thoughts and prayers and when you get home I have a case of the best just for you !! God Bless you for serving our country and for keeping us safe !! Until the next time !! Be good !! Joanski (-;
Posted by: Joansk on July 14, 2003 09:40 AMHi there. Just wanted to let you know that your site has me in stitches. You are way funnier than Dave B in my humble opinion.
My son is a reservist (was a full-time college student) from Omaha whose unit was activated in January. They spent a couple months at Ft. R in KS and then shipped over to the sandbox in early April. Your website gives me a little insight into life over there.
On a serious note, always be on the alert over there. There have been way too many incidents with our brave American soldiers. Take care of yourself and come home safely.
Go Big Red!
Sue
Posted by: SueinOmaha on July 14, 2003 09:43 AMHey Will! I hope that Spec J is doing better. Any person willing to cheat on you is a person willing to throw your life away. Know this there is someone out there for everyone...
I love reading your rants... I enjoy reading your rants better than listening to my own... Your sense of humor is just great.. I hope you guys can come back home soon... I am praying you all come back soon with safety on your side...
;-)
Sara
Posted by: Sara on July 14, 2003 11:08 AMHope you die.
Posted by: obelo on July 14, 2003 02:16 PMTalk about a good laugh! I'm sure my coworkers think I'm going crazy in here.
Glad to hear that J is doing better and that you still have your humor about you.
Wish I could send you some cooler weather.
Come home soon and come home safe!
Posted by: Mary on July 14, 2003 03:52 PMWill what can I say?
Thank you for sharing? You are observant, insightful and kind? You are a mother's dream? Your humanity is spoken in volumes by your words? There is nothing to say. I wish you so well.
I heard today one unit was scheduled to come home home in Sept and now they are not. And they have been there since Sept. I am praying it is not your unit.
130 degrees really? I mean really? Is that true. Only because where I live (see Phoenix) anything over 110 and we are like yeah it's hot. But on that one day of 122 they sold t-shirts saying people survived it. And, yes 122 is very hot, it is so hot you start to bake when you walk outside. They talk about frying an egg on the sidewalk LOL, at 122 you are frying on the sidewalk. How can 130 not kill you?
God Bless.
Posted by: Roxann on July 15, 2003 12:40 AMHey Will,
Your rants are endlessly amusing, and very informative as to the madness of army life (for a civilian)! Take care and stay safe in the sun... it's just hit 30 degrees celcius in England and that is way too hot so I can't imagine what it is like for you chaps over there!! Becky.
Hey Will,
I've been reading your rants for the last few months and you've kept me laughing! Being a former Army wife I can relate to the madness of the service.(former as in he's a butthead) I'm glad that you are hanging in there and hope you get to come home soon! Take care of yourself and those boys you got with you! It's good to know at least you are on thier side(ever if the powers that be aren't).
God Bless and come home soon! We love you too!
Nicky
P.S. Spec J is right on track with the healing process. Tell him we love him too!
I love your blogs! I visit Lt. Smash blog everyday and he had alink to yours. It is kind of wierd because I graduated from USD also! Small world! I wish you all the luck and good fortune that I can! Just remember all cold and cheap beers you can have in Vermtown at Cary's or the Press Box!
Good luck!
James
I'm back
Rushed to the C hoping to read some good news (as in I'm on my way home)
no news
take care we all appreciate the sacrifice military men and women are making for the good ole USA
Take Care
Come Back Safe
Love You All
I pray for every soldier(s) safe return
God Bless You All
(don't forget about us when you do come back safe to the Good Ole USA , you in some way keep me close to my Son - God Bless!)
A.
Posted by: A. on July 16, 2003 10:01 PMWill - love the rants! Stay safe, and come home soon!
Obelo - F*ck 0FF!
Posted by: bonzo on July 17, 2003 11:56 AMHi Will!
Thanks for the many laughs! Your friend LT. Smash finally gave up your address. He's talked about you from time to time on his site, but you're alot funnier than I thought! I've enjoy reading Lt's website since February...so, looks like I have some catching up to do on yours.
I hope that "J" is feeling better. Erica, that slut! Every dog has his (her) day!
Take care, keep low, rant and rave and know that you have friends here in Louisiana!!
Bon Jour Mon Amie!
flo
Just saying hello from Ft. Knox. Don't pet the sweaty things soldier, or sweat the petty things. You guys and gals are making us proud. Those who have no idea what you're all going through or why, appreciate it all the same, and those who know EXACTLY what you mean, appreciate every last, irritating little bit of it. Those who fit neither category are inconsequential. (meaning they can just f*** off.) My best to you and yours.
Posted by: po farm boy on July 17, 2003 07:11 PMJust found this site via Lt Smash. Great blog, keep up the wonderful writing.
Posted by: Sgt Hook on July 17, 2003 09:01 PMHey, Will....
Please share this with as many of the guys as possible....with sound if you can...it's really moving and meant just for you all!
http://65.108.116.190/WeSupportU.htm
Take care, one and all!
Posted by: Brenda on July 18, 2003 01:44 AMHello Will,
We are happy to know that you are busy to prepare your return to home,finally you and your soldiers have the mood to maximum.
We hope to hear you say,very soon:"IS FINISHED" return to home! We would never thought that someone,so distant from us,would done us company with his humor and fellow feeling, specially in the difficult moment.We wish a happy life to you and your soldiers.
Do you would like make smile your mom?Beh,your return to home is a beautiful new that makes smile,you aren't knowing that your mom already smiles.You make a greeting your family.Dear Will,you and your soldiers are,always,our thoughts.Thank for all.
It is nice know that words that have make us company it'll become a book.
Two nice friends Milena and Adriana.CIAO
Spec J has my sympathies! BUT it will work out in the end! My ex hooked up (literally) with a neighbor of ours.. he is now married to her.. my kids hate her.. her kids hate him.. I am single and loving it!!!!!!!!!!! AND.. to top it off.. my kids tell me that he is jealous of the fact that I AM single.. and have no responsibilities except for my kids and my job.... Thanks for the updates. I LOVE your sense of humor! hasta.. Anita
Posted by: Anita on July 21, 2003 02:18 PM
Will is a pretty good writer and this is the collection of his writings. It'll be interesting to hear updates from a soldier's point of view, so I'll be posting them for all to read.
Take care Will