Courage is fear holding on a minute longer.
March 14, 2003


The Mission

Hello All,

Well, yesterday we had our first mission and boy was it fun (see BULLSHIT). The mission was expected. It was planned for. Equipment was trained on and soldiers trained for their responsibilities. The plan was set on Monday, the mission was planned for Wednesday, and on Tuesday we received our orders. The problems began with our orders (at the beginning, you say?
No!)

Well, without going into too much detail, we prepared for one of our three missions (yep, we can magnify synergy thru multitasking to create a harmonious outcome. I've worked in the corporate workplace too long) however we received orders to perform a different mission (SURPRISE!). No problem, we can do this. We just put the original plan (see INTENSIVE CAR
WASH) on the back-burner, develop a new plan (see CAR WASH) and drive on. You see, we get fucked like this ALL the time. It's called good training, and it is good to practice for contingencies, however it still chafes me in a place where the sun fails to shine.

Ok, maybe I should give you a little info on our missions (I know you probably don’t care, but this might be helpful later). In the event of Chemical Warfare (see SLIMED), somebody has to clean the soldiers and vehicles they ride in, and this is where our hero comes in. We have two kinds of decontamination missions, Thorough and Operational. Thorough decon (See INTENSIVE CAR WASH) is a detail-oriented mission where the contaminated unit rolls in dirty and out clean. It’s very long, hard work (especially considering you’re wearing a gas mask and protective clothes during this entire operation.) Operational decon (see CAR WASH) is all about speed and helping mother nature break down the chemical agents (this one is pretty easy, unless the wind shifts, because those chemical agents can be blown around and re-contaminate cleaned vehicles, and that sucks loads). The contaminated unit is still dirty, but is able to drive on with their mission without losing too much time.

So, we've built a new plan (on Tuesday Afternoon for Wednesday’s mission) and have trained ALL the soldiers on their new jobs. We've walked around the parade field, again, saying, "I'm a HUMVEE, I'm a HUMVEE!" Things look good, orders are given; let’s go make sure the equipment is ready to go. Oops! Forgot that we only have enough equipment for one platoon, and that platoon is still on their mission. Shit, this is where it begins to get tense. So we review our training, and they haven't returned. Damn, they show up at 1830 (that's 6:30 pm for you lucky, and warm, civilians) and we start working on the vehicles, trailers and equipment. Finished about 2300 (11:00 pm) and put the soldiers to bed. Well, what did our hero do next? I went on a recon of the route to the site because my soldier made some mistakes on the way there earlier, and I want make sure we don't get lost on the way to the objective (see OPEN FIELD). I get home about 0035 (midnight) and crash, only to wake up at 0430 (better know as O-Dark Thirty). Quick shave, pit stick, a greasy breakfast and into my snivel gear I go, the General is still around.

Draw weapons, line up the vehicles for the convoy and we are off! Around the bend, over the hill and, Oops, wrong turn! Shit, quick turn around and we're rolling again (apparently my midnight recon looked a little different in the daylight, I wonder why?) We arrive at the site on time (I used to deliver pizza, and can drive like a HUMVEE like a NASCAR champion), we're rolling up and ordered to stop.

You see, dear readers, nobody asked permission to use this location (normally our “helpers” take care of this detail, but these guys suck and don’t want to “help”). Ok, this I never expected. Fine, ask permission and open the site (whether permission is given or not, we're going in. This is the FIDO principal, Fuck-It-Drive-On). I'm beginning to lose my temper. Moving again, occupy the objective and setup, looking good. Everything is
cool, but the wind shifts, SHIT! Change everything around, jump thru your
own ass, twice, and now we're good, again. The Lieutenant goes out to link up with the dirty unit, gets lost, can’t find them (see TYPICAL). It was a first mission mistake, she sorts it out and finds them, no problems. We are groovy.

Do you remember those old, late night infomercials? You know, for the Ginsu knives where it sounds like the pitch man is ALMOST done, and then stops talking, looks at the camera and says, “BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE!” Well, General Winter just had to intervene. The only way he could (all our Chemical Gear keeps up pretty warm, so he can’t freeze us), he moved the wind, again. Prick bastard. Change everything around, jump thru your own ass, twice, and now we're good. Again. The contaminated unit shows up, gets cleaned up and rolls out. The wrong way. One of our soldiers was there to guide them to the proper exit, using proper hand and arm signals (see WAVING) our customers still went the wrong way. Typical. At this point I’ve left being pissed off, and am the kind of quiet angry that cannot be measured. Oh, yeah, and due to the botched link-up with the contaminated unit, we get to do all this again.

Yippie.

Love,

Will

PS – Just so everybody knows, the only problem with the mission was the link-up. All of my soldiers performed well, and no major tasks were failed. I believe that my soldiers are some of the best in the Chemical Warfare field, and can run with anyone, anywhere, anytime. Oh, and I’ve forgiven the Lieutenant, she has recognized her mistake, and already proven to me that she CAN read a map, again.

10:27 AM | TrackBack (0)
Comments

Hi Will,

My name Erin and I'm 24 years old and also single. I am very much into reading about what you are up to. So much emphasis has been put on men and women who are fighting the war who are married. I don't feel that you single guys have been given enough attention, so I'm giving you some! First of all, thank you for fighting this war! You don't even know me and you're risking your life for me, so thank you! I don't know you, and I'm so proud of you! Please let me know if there is a way that I could write to you or something....my email address is Erin_S22@yahoo.com. I would love to send some pictures of myself (not to brag but I'm sure you'd enjoy them!)...hope all is well...please keep in touch!

Erin :)

Posted by: Erin Saunders on March 19, 2003 10:19 AM

Hey Will - I enjoyed reading your letters. I like your style. I'm a 52 year old mom, wife and literacy specialist who loves the Lord and I just want you to know that My kids and I have been praying for our troops safety and tonight I will pray for you specifically. God bless you and jeep you safe and healthy. Drink lots of water. (See Mom-pattern phrases) :-)

Posted by: Donna on March 20, 2003 10:11 PM

Erin is right Will - you don't even know us and you're risking your life. That immediately reminds me of a man named Jesus! He not only risked His life but GAVE it for each of us! I pray that you are a Christian and have accepted Jesus as your saviour. I also pray for all of those there with you. Right or wrong, He will be with you during this war. God Bless You and all of the soldiers!
Mattie

Posted by: Mattie on April 1, 2003 10:43 AM
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No bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country.
Quotes
Accept the challenges so that you can feel the exhilaration of victory.
~General George S. Patton
Who's Will Anyway?
What's All This Then?
As most of the regular readers of Rooba.net know, I have a few friends that have been sent or called up for the soon-to-be-conflict in Iraq. One such friend is Will aka Will not weasel or Will from Omaha or whatever other moniker he's using on my site that day.

Will is a pretty good writer and this is the collection of his writings. It'll be interesting to hear updates from a soldier's point of view, so I'll be posting them for all to read.

Take care Will

~Captain Rooba
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