Hello All,
It's just another day in paradise here, in sunny Kuwait, where nobody wants to know the temperature, it’s too friggin' hot. In my last message home I said I was gonna complain about the Reverend, and here it is.
The Reverend, as I like to call him, is the Muslim Holy Man (I can’t remember the title of a Muslim Cleric) and we're lucky enough to hear him. You see, my good friends, here at Camp Patriot there is a mosque on post. Actually, it's right in the middle of this wonderful place, and I just happen to sleep within half a mile of it. It is not an unpleasing structure to look at, aesthetically, especially when you consider where it is located. The gripe I have today (and for many of the previous days, thank you) is that the Muslim religion makes several announcements during the day. And night.
Now before you go calling me a bigot that hates other cultures and religions, I'd like you all to know that I have nothing against the religion, as a whole. It's just this one little thing that is starting to grate me, and my wits. I do not know what the fine Reverend is announcing, or if he is praying or if he’s reading off his grocery list to one of the altar boys across the post, but I do know that he is beginning to piss me off. It's a matter of timing that is pushing my buttons, and let me tell you why.
He is on the air at the oddest times, and since I'm working the Midnight to Noon shift, I'm usually sleeping when he begins. Thereby waking our hero from his slumber, and shortening the fuse on his cannon (not that cannon you perverts!). My emotional cannon that is. The good Reverend is very consistent in his message, it's always long enough to wake me, and it's never so long that I can run down the street with a club and find the prick on the mike. Not to say that I have any ill will toward the Reverend, it's just that I want to shut him up. A lot. Just bashing in the PA system would help me feel a lot better.
You might be thinking that this is liked to nicotine withdrawals, and you might be right, but it's a moot (English degree pays off!) point, don't you think…I'm beginning to feel like Jack Nicholson's character in The Shining, "Kill you Wendy, I'm not gonna to kill you, Wendy. I'M JUST GONNA BASH YOUR BRAINS OUT WENDY, THAT’S ALL, SO GIVE ME THE FUCKING BAT!" Oops, I might have been raving there when I mean to be ranting… sorry, I'll try to calm down a bit.
There, now with a fresh piece of Hubba Bubba bubble gum (thanks to everybody at work!) I'm feeling much better now. Lets just say the our gracious hosts (Kuwait, not the Navy, the Navy still sucks) and their religious customs are interesting, and require further study, by someone else, at a distance.
I love you all,
Will
PS Maybe the Reverend's chant would go over better with a rhythm section and some horns… or would that be too much like ripping off Sting.
Thanks for the chuckle, will. I'll remember to have a cigarette in your honor at least once a day. i will also continue to pray(for a cool front)for you. Stay safe and take care. We are so proud of you.
Posted by: Kris on May 7, 2003 06:55 PMWill (AKA the bigot that hates other cultures and religions):
Bet the Muslim Holy Man is doing infomercials. Yup. Selling Suzanne Sommer beauty products, the "thigh cruncher" , household gadgets (hey, you can fit a spit through a rodent and it takes just like chicken!), etc. Maybe if you buy something from him, he'll quit it - or maybe that'll just encourage him more!
Sounds like you're going to have "jaws of steel" by the time you get back (chewing and/or clenching).
Good job on the no smokes (See black, shriveled, nasty lungs versus Will's lungs - pretty and shiny new)!
Stay safe
Posted by: L.V. on May 7, 2003 07:21 PMJust thought I would drop you a line and let you know that I have been reading your "rants and raves" for a while now, even here in New Zealand. Yes, New Zealand, that little country at the bottom of the world. You're world famous!!!
I had a good laugh (though not at your expense) while reading about "your" reverend. Keep safe and hope you return home soon.
Posted by: Cynthia on May 7, 2003 07:49 PMWill, welcome to the world of religion!! the holy one is probably telling everyone to worship the funny one(raise your hand Will)or maybe it's a way to torture all of you guys over there.I'll send you some ear plugs!!!hang in there Will.
p.s.
no more car wash?
God bless, Sherri
Posted by: Sherri Miller on May 7, 2003 08:44 PMjust thought you'd like to know that the "Reverend" is leading the muslims in prayer when he is "annoying you" I like reading your little ranting and ravings so keep them coming.
Posted by: Julie on May 7, 2003 09:17 PMAhh, Will, young hero grasshopper!
Yes, call to prayer may be annoying, especially when it's round the clock, but look at it this way: the area needs a lot of our prayers as well, and you will appreciate solid, silent sleep even more upon your return to the US! (See PATHETIC ATTEMPT TO PACIFY YOU) When you can snatch pebble from hand, then you ready, you go.
Pardon, but I tried! It also gave you something other than no smokes and the blasted car wash (strains of that bopping tune of the 70's begin) that so annoyed you. *smiles weakly at ya*
Ok, ok, a sad, sorry attempt to cheer you up I know, but SOMEONE had to say it! (See SACRIFICIAL CITIZEN) Personally, it may well be his shopping list, or his wish list snuck in there every other call. *grins sheepishly* Do you think the Navy is as annoyed as our hero? If so, then there is one more good reason to suffer through it, eh??? Heh heh heh...knowing the damn Navy boys are stuffing their precious smokes in their ears to attempt sleep! *wicked laugh* Buaaahhhh!!!
Ahem...sorry, Will. I went away for a little while, but I'm back now, and with no Hubba Bubba!
Oh yea...just so you know...you've got me suffering along with you, thank you very much: ever since you mentinoed 'car wash', that bloody awful song has been reverbarating through my consciousness!! ARRRGGGHHHH!! (Out, out!! Get out of my head, you disgusting song!!)
*sighs*
Sleep on, oh, great hero of words! Thou art amusing in a most sympathetic way! (I don't have to cowtow to you, do I??)
Prayers, (but the quiet, personal kind) Hugs, and Godspeed....
Judi
Posted by: Judi Eckes on May 7, 2003 09:47 PMHi Will,
Thanks for the post. I hope you're writing these in a journal that you can turn into a hilarious book when you get back home. With the millions of dollars you'll make off the book, you can buy everyone on the base earplugs! Hee hee. You're in my prayers daily. Hang in there on keeping off the cigs. It'll get a little better with time. Keep that wonderful sense of humor. God bless you. I'll try and send some of the cold, rainy Wisconsin weather to you.
Posted by: Dawn on May 7, 2003 10:20 PMAnyone who can use The Reverend Horton Heat for humorous purposes gets an A++ in my book! Thanks for the laugh!
Posted by: JrzyGyrl on May 7, 2003 10:46 PMHi Will.
Don't worry, I'm sure you will be sleeping like a baby soon. I used work for music concerts and tours and I had one of my best nap during the Marilyn Manson's concert.
Oh, Will I have a question. How are you guys doing your laundry in over there? You mentioned that you will tell us about it some time ago but you never did. I just wish everybody (including you and my bf) can get some clean fresh clothes once in a while....
Take Care
Posted by: N on May 7, 2003 10:46 PMGood morning Will and thanks one again for making my day. Owing to the time difference I usually succeed in getting your epistles (it's the religious streak thats coming out!) first thing in the morning. It cetainly raises my spirits.
I feel slightly out of places amongst all your female fans but at least I know the difference between cannons and cannons!
Take care Will
Richard
Posted by: richard on May 8, 2003 01:20 AMHi Will!
Nice to read another of your desert's adventure..or better is to say ..misadventure, by your side!
But my side..(don't get angry with me ) i have to say that you make me lagh!!
What i can say for consul you??Patience.., I think you'd have patience and above all cold blood!!!
(What a confusion:cold blood in the desert???)
Strengh and courage!
we are waiting for you to open arms!!
Love, Ilenia
Posted by: Ilenia on May 8, 2003 04:36 AMHi Will,
English degree eh? Well that explains a lot! Does the hubba bubba help with nicotine withdrawal or are you back on the cigs again now? Waiting for the next installment...
Hey Will,
I just recently started reading your "rants".
I love a man with a good sense of humor. I am 4 days with no smokes. Birthday (today) present to myself. I've been eating a lot of Tootsie Pops. Seems to help, no, not really but I keep telling myself it does. I'll probably gain 20 lbs. (see single white lard ass). Let me know, I'll send ya some. (damselndstrss@yahoo.com) Take Care,
K
Posted by: K on May 8, 2003 08:15 AMHey Will;
Thanks to L.V. I'm picturing a Muslim Cleric chanting while doing the 'thigh master'. This site has certainly provided some interesting (twisted) mental images.
I wonder how hubba bubba works for ear plugs... hmmm. Just don't chew it the next day.
Take care, stay safe and continue to rant or rave away all you like!
Kathy
Posted by: Kathy on May 8, 2003 09:04 AMWill, just think how much sleep that poor guy gets with all the 24hr noise your fellow soldiers make (I'm sure your pretty quite with all your ranting) Hee Hee! Do ya think maybe it's called pay back? 2am-
Hey You !! get over here you missed a spot!!! FU you get it yourself (at the top of one lungs) Just thought I throw that in their as a thought. And who invited you guys to move in next door?? LOL, I'm sure it was the NAVY. Just something to chew on. Stay safe and continue to rant it will keep your mind off other things you can not do anything about!!
Will,
Glad to hear from you. It is always a joy to read your rants. Stay safe, you are in our prayers here in Alaska.
Jan
Posted by: Jan on May 8, 2003 03:41 PMCan't you find a good pair ear plugs or what? Or you can just wear your helmet to bed and stuff your ears with socks. I did that once, it kinda works. Just a thought.
Stay healthy. Stay happy. Stay awake during that horrible night shift crap! BLECH!
-Ryan --Edmonton Alberta--
Posted by: Ryan on May 9, 2003 10:08 AMOk Hero...
Just to set the record straight... so you at least know what to call the guy.
He is a Mussein. A caller of prayers. His job, call every one to church (mosque).
He says the same things over again (Has done this for over 1000 years.. the text doesn't change).
The Imam is the 'Reverend' he's the one who leads them all in prayers at the mosque
Not trying to be a smart-ass but, I thought you'd at least like to know what to call the guy.
Keep up the good work, and come home soon.
Warren -- Dallas
PS.. Maybe you can get the Navy-pukes to do some target pratice on some of the towers..
HI WILL! JUST WANTED TO SAY I'M ENJOYING READING YOUR RANTS/RAVES-YOUR A WONDERFUL WRITER WITH A GREAT SENSE OF HUMOR. DEFINITELY THE MAKINGS OF A BOOK. STAY SAFE AND GOD BLESS! OH, I TURNED 30 IN APRIL TOO (AND SINGLE); IT'S NOT SO BAD-HANG IN THERE!
KIMBERLY NEWMAN
HUNTINGTON WV
Hey Will-
Keep up the good work over there!! You are a damn funny guy! Like all the stories! Gives me something to do at work other than what I am supposed to be doing (working)!
Hope you get to go home soon!! I am sure all of your fam. & friends miss you very much!
Good luck!
Wow... too funny! Love the perspective for sure. Wish I could find someone as witty as you who isn't overseas! Thanks for all the funny stories... makes a difference to see a personal side. Much luck and get home safely! And THANK YOU for everything...
Posted by: Catherine on May 23, 2003 04:23 PMJoin the Linux community.
Posted by: Benjamin on July 6, 2004 02:07 PM
Will is a pretty good writer and this is the collection of his writings. It'll be interesting to hear updates from a soldier's point of view, so I'll be posting them for all to read.
Take care Will