Hello All,
Those of you that know me personally, know that I like a little adventure every now and then, and when the opportunity comes around, I usually jump on it. Now you're probably thinking, "He's already in Kuwait, how much more adventure can he want?" And that is exactly what I was thinking when I was told about a boat, excuse me, ship ride two days ago. I don't want to go on a dumb-ass boat, excuse me, ship ride around the Persian Gulf because there's no beer and I've got better things to do. But when they told me the ship was going to Bahrain well now, that is another story. Bahrain is good.
Bahrain is a small place, I'm not sure if it is a port, a city, a country or all three, but what I do know is that it allows alcohol. Yep, alcohol, booze, Captain Will's Fun Juice, whatever you want to call it, they've got it in Bahrain (I'm still rooting for Army, but the Navy is starting to look better). So I got on the list to go, and made preparations for the trip.
We were not informed how long the trip would last, when we would be back, how long the ship would be docked or if we'd even be allowed to get off the ship, but we were going. Only responsible (and yes that's me, really) NCO's were allowed to go on this trip, considering that it was to another country and NO officers were going with us (YIPPIE!!!!). However, considering our complete lack of information, packing was a shot in the dark. I decided to go light, wearing only BDU's (Battle Dress Uniform, my green cammo's), toothbrush, razor and pit-stick. My logic being that if I needed civilian clothes, I would buy them there. I hate carrying too much crap around with me, a product of my college days when I moved 7 times in 5 years. Others brought large rucksacks, filled with things that I was sure they would never need, but they did have a plan.
There were nine of us, two from each platoon and one from headquarters. We were told to report to the ship at 2300 (11 p.m. for you lucky, and intoxicated, civilians) and it would get underway (leave, in Navy terms). Turns out though, this was no regular Navy ship, this was the HSV-X1 (that means, High Speed Vessel – eXperimental #1), Joint Venture. The Joint Venture is a Army/Navy ship, hence the name, Joint Venture. It seems that the Army is in the ship business, and has quite a few of them, unknown to me all these years as I thought that's why we had a Navy! But I won’t complain, because we were going to Bahrain, and Bahrain is good.
Before I go into too much detail about Bahrain, and Bahrain is good, I'll tell you about the ship. The Joint Venture is cool. How cool? Well, it used to be a water taxi type ferry used in Tasmania and Australia, but the Army saw it and had big plans for it. It is a catamaran, meaning that it has two narrow hulls, instead of one big one. Inside the hulls are 4 VERY large Caterpillar engines, V-18's in fact. Those engines are larger, in every way, than my civilian pick-up truck. In fact, they're bigger than my Humvee pulling a trailer. The propulsion system is not based on propellers, but on water jets like a Jet Ski, and this baby smokes across the water. There were rooster tails 20 feet high behind the ship, and we moving at 39 knots, and according to the ranking soldier on the ship, that was about 50+ miles per hour. But that was not the top speed. She can move much faster, I'm told. But I'm going to have to wait for another trip before I can find out just how fast she can go. I can't wait.
When we arrived in Bahrain, 8 hours later, we were told that we had to be back on board by 1200 (noon for you lucky, and intoxicated, civilians). No problem, we can do that. In three and a half hours I can get all kinds of things done, like 12 beers, or many, many shots. After some quick directions, we set out on foot, looking for the duty free shop, and the front gate.
I love duty free shops. I love duty free shop personnel that don't ask too many questions even better. Technically, we shouldn't have been allowed in the shop, considering that we weren't crew, and we headed right back to Kuwait, but how was that guy at the cash register supposed to know that? Exactly. That's where I bought some nice Cuban cigars and a small bottle of Johnny Walker Red. Oops, while I was enjoying a cigar, some of the scotch fell out of the bottle and into my mouth. How ever did that happen accidentally, five times, I wonder??? By this time, we've all had our fun in the duty free, and head for the front gate. There's supposed to be a Hard Rock Café in Bahrain, and t-shirts are always good presents, ask my sister. At the gate, however, we were denied. Apparently, no U.S. personnel are allowed off the port in uniform, damn. Were we broken? Was this the end of our adventure? Did our Hero and his companions return to the ship empty handed and sober? I think not! We returned to the duty free shop, bought a LOT of beer and sat down in the shade and drank it all. I'm not sure if public consumption of alcohol is legal in Bahrain, but none of us cared. We stumbled back to the ship at 1200 (*hic* er, that would be noon to you, lucky, and, uh, sober *hic* civilians) and took a little nap.
Three hours later we woke up and watched the replacement Navy crew practice firing their weapons. I hope they keep practicing - a lot. Had a great dinner, the Navy cooks way better than the Marines, trust me on that one, and returned around 0100 (that's 1 a.m. for you lucky, oh my head hurts, civilians) the next day.
We've told everyone that we couldn't get into the class 6 (see Army for liquor store) in Bahrain, and that is true, technically. We bought our beer at the duty free store, and that way nobody will bug us about sharing what we brought back. Call it selfish, but we're not supposed to have alcohol here, and I don't want some jackass spilling the beans and getting my scotch confiscated. So, if any family members of the unit read this little note, please don't tell your loved ones about my little stash. I going to save it for when we get our going home date, and have a little party with the fellas, and drink it all.
I love you all,
Will
PS – I forgot to let you all know about the laundry experience here, and next time I'll get you all up to speed on that happy experience. Oh, and there are lots of rumors on when I'll be home, but I'm still sitting on them until I heard something reasonable, i.e. I'm not buying the one I heard about us leaving yesterday.
Hey, Will~~SO glad to hear you got to have a little fun(and alcohol)!!
Hang in there and I hope the rumors about you coming home are real. Stay safe & God bless.
Posted by: Kris on May 10, 2003 02:22 PMHope your hangover is gone by now :o) IF there is a next time remember to pack civies that way you can buy t-shirts for all your blog addicts! Maybe we will be able to hear your laundry experience soon(it would be even better if you got to tell it stateside), but in the meantime i'd suggest you just "hurry up and wait" til you actually board the plane, you know how those army types can be about rumors!
Posted by: jamie k. on May 10, 2003 02:53 PMHi Will
Thanks for the latest report - my sides ached!
Keep it up - all the very best wishes from a fan in the UK
Richard
Posted by: richard on May 10, 2003 02:57 PMIt was nice to hear from you again, Will!! I think you must have one of the most loyal following of readers that I have ever seen on a website. I know I always look forward to the new posts and hope to hear that you will be coming home soon. I sure hope the posts won't stop though (unless it's to announce you are working on that book everyone wants to see!).
Take Care,
Tiff
Hi Will, I'm glad to hear you got out of Kuwait even if it was for a short time. My son on his first deployment to the middle east, (he's in Iraq now on his 2nd)went to the Hard Rock in Bahrain. Did his laundry there too, although he never did tell me the story. It must have been one of those experiences that all of you have a common bond with. Take care and I hope you come home soon. Oh, and by the way my son is a Marine, but I still love ya.
Posted by: Kate on May 10, 2003 04:13 PMHey now, Will!
Hmmmm...got two outta three from your wish list, eh? Not bac, not bad.
Isn't it amazing how things accidentally 'fall', 'slip', 'spill', and 'jump' into things? I tell you...as you know by now, I work in the state prison, and dangit if stuff doesn't ALWAYS 'jump' into inmate's pockets (See SPORKS FROM THE CHOW HALL), or 'accidents' happen! (See "I FELL, I SLIPPED, I GOT HIT WITH THE BASEBALL/BASKETBALL/HORSESHOE BY ACCIDENT) [short for they got thumped-up!]
Personally, there should be retribution for walls, doorways, bunks, and toilets that 'jump out' into one's way and kick someone's ass! It's just not right to allow dangerous inanimate objects to run amok in the world! (See STOP THE INSANITY)
LYING????? Oh, Will!! What a sorry, sad, state you've put us in, my dear! *attempts to appear shocked* Uh huh.....saving it for the boys, eh? EVERY drop??? Hmmmm???? Methinks some may accidentally fall into your mouth again, which at the time will most likely be coincidentaly open! Say it isn't so Will!! *huffy breath* Honestly, Will! Stand up, be the man you are, and just admit you will perhaps nip a bit before the leaving!! (See SO LONG, FAREWELL KUWAIT) *laughs* Ahhh, what the hell...go on...take a swig...er, a taste. Yes, that's it... an occasional taste to confirm it has not spoiled in the intense heat. *heh heh heh*
Enjoy, Our Hero! But I sure don't want to be you OR your buddies if the other buddies discover you've been imbibing and withholding!! *Arrgggghhh* That could be nastier than Al-Qaeda!
So until the REAL rumor materializes, Goddpeed, and "Shhhhh!"
Prayers and Hugs,
Judi
Ahem...Ive misspelled 'bad' (bac) and "Godspeed" (Goddpeed)
Ooops! My bad. *grins* Don't grade me, please!
Judi
Posted by: Judi Eckes on May 10, 2003 05:18 PMHey Will! About time you get out of Kuwait. Have lots of beer over there in Bahrain, just be really careful. I can't wait till your stateside again. Miss you alot get home soon.
Always in my mind and heart.
Cheryl
Hi Will!
I laughed so hard! You are absolutely hysterical! Don't worry, your secret is safe with me ;) Glad to hear you had such a great time. Stay safe and hang in there. You remain in my prayers.
Posted by: Dawn on May 10, 2003 09:06 PMFYI...Bahrain is a country in fact is the most liberal muslim country in the world
Posted by: Julie on May 10, 2003 10:58 PMWill - Glad you got to go out and play with Johnny, I know he is one of your favorite friends and you have probably missed him. Try to keep things from accidentally falling in your mouth - you don't always know where they have been :)
Posted by: Shell on May 10, 2003 11:03 PMhsv-x1 PHOTOS:
http://www.globalsecurity.org/military/systems/ship/hsv-gallery.htm
WHEEEEEE!! My phone is disconnected ( see haven't paid the bill ) and so I wasn't able to keep up on your rants. But a friend of mine let me check all my stuff on her computer, and I HAAAD to see what you were up to!! I had 2 entries in your blog to read! Needless to say I was thrilled! I can't wait till you get home and we can all watch you on Leno. Heck....why don't you ask them if you can do the show for a week? We'd like that! Not that he's not good, but...ya know?
Take care!! Come on home soon!!
Spiff
Hey Will,
I happened apon this website by qawinkydink and I had to add it to my list of keepers. I recently got out of the Active Army, I was a 31 Romeo. Now I'm attending VAU( Virginia) this August to begin my degree in teaching. Anyways, I'm just adding to your list of fans you've collected in this time and wanted to say thanks for the side splitting laughs. My family was looking at me rather weird while I was glued to the screen laughing to tears. I totally understand what your saying cause I'm a ranter too. And the same things drove me to look like a huge B**** when I would get started during a field problem or deployment :o) Looking forward to the future laughs. And thanks for helping those soldiers get home..your helping many of my friends! Keep smileing!
Hic Will...OOops,Hi Will!
You're really crazy!I'm still laughing!
Glad to read that you enjoied finally a real nice adventure!Great boy!
I'm waiting for your next fun e-mail, Mr. Johnny Walker-Hic Hic!!
Love, your sober, intoxicated and fond friend, Ilenia
It's kinda cool to know that you actually read my (Ouch, your royal fans are punching me), "OUR" comments. I feel soooooooooooooo connected. Kidding. =) Seriously, you must be very flattered to receive those messages. So many ladies are trying so hard to get your attention. (Ou. Ou. Ouch...)
My bf only write about me (isn't he sweet) in his letter and never talks about his duty, situation etc., So really appreciated your posts. I begging to understand that being deployed is not always as bad as I imagine. I know my knowledge is very limited and people are going through extremely terrifying situation but I even become jealous not being with them when I saw a strong bonds and connections among them.
Anyway, very glad to hear that you got a chance to refresh yourself. Hope you can be home soon. Your loved ones are waiting for you.
Posted by: "N" for Naomi on May 12, 2003 07:21 AMGlad to hear you got a break Will....I hope you're sleeping with Johnny very close by, sober noses have a way of sensing when there's something around that they want!!
Come home safe and soon my friend!
Love to you all....
Posted by: Sharon on May 12, 2003 12:07 PMI just wanted to say I love these posts. I have been reading them for about 2 weeks and I always walk away with a smile! Thanks and glad to hear you got to have a few drinks!! I hope you get to come home soon!! GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS you and all of our soldiers!
Posted by: Leanne on May 12, 2003 12:37 PMOMG, Will! You can get almost any girl you want eh?! Just look at all the posts above mine! LOL, I've never seen so many girls write such loving words to a guy they've never met before (See Chicks around the world looking for a date). I'm just kidding, all in good fun. You'll have your pick when you get back! Good to hear you're still in good spirits, no pun intended. :)
Ryan from Canada eh?
Posted by: Ryan on May 12, 2003 04:04 PMWill: I don't mean to be the party-pooper here, but...I'm active duty up at Fort Lewis. A number of folks (O and E) have been starting to read your blog (I get a kick out of it, personally). However, you just admitted a violation of the UCMJ to anybody who happens to read your latest posting. I know your regular readers are thinking, "Who is this A-Hole?" Well, personally, I don't give a rats-a**, but...there is a policy prohibiting alcohol in Kuwait and Saudi. I am sure some of your readers could care less, but I saw a number of folks prosecuted during Gulf War I for violations of General Order Number, and quite frankly, with good reason. Once somebody has been without alcohol for an extended period of time, they get seriously drunk much quicker, and when you are operating heavy equipment, handling explosives, driving with no real order on the highways, and getting pulled to duty with no warning, it is a disaster waiting to happen. I'm not sure of this figure, but I think VII Corps lost five soldiers due to alcohol related deaths in Saudi in 91...well after the fighting was over. Just a thought. Otherwise, keep on posting...
Posted by: MAJGreg on May 12, 2003 07:38 PMIn Will's defense (kind of) - Yeah, he shouldn't have Johnny with him in Kuwait - this we know. But also knowing the man and soldier he is, he is saving it for the "we are going home" word. Will is not one to put his men & women in any type of danger. And I know he would personally kick the ass of anyone stupid enough to do so. I too was surprised he admitted this (see dumbass - sorry Will) and I know he knows he's being a very bad boy (see needs to be spanked) but I also know he is not being irresponsible. And if he is, well I am sure his mom will have something to say about that :)
I totally understand where you are coming from though and only hope the boy keeps it under cover until they are safely away.
Ehi, just a few words..
People should not sentence an only madness of a boy who is living not for sure in the convenience of everybody we... -from many days...
Let's hope that guys could came home soon!!
Bye Will!
Posted by: Ilenia on May 13, 2003 03:55 AMI would personally volunteer to spank Will for his alcohol oversight but I am afraid he would enjoy it far toooo much and frankly so would I!
So I think he should use the $50 he made off the jarhead to buy a round for all his troops and we'll mete out the punishment on the marine as they have rolled enough shit down hill on our man Will.
Then we ought to take ourselves up a little collection and put a little fun back into the killjoys that was once known as the Navy's and everyone ought to quit taking themselves and the military so god damned seriously as this is war for chrissakes and nothing is sacred.
Except of course every hair on Will's fair hair head - that must remain hallowed ground, in tact and untouched. The contents of which must be regularly spilled out upon the page for our amusement and should he choose to confess a transgression then please be kind enough to cut our young hero some frickin slack or at the very least hump your petty ass lump of a carcass off to war and see how long you teetotaling temperance days last.
How much you wanna bet you'd be the first dipshit bungee jumping from the minaret?
Phew! I'm over it now - hope you all are too.
Had to leap to the defense of our great defender and comrade at the chemical car wash.
Pass the Johnny Walker, will ya?
Hey Will,
I just wanted to drop a line to let you know that your writing has amused me from the time that I stumbled onto this website. I look forward daily to any news from you.
You are an amazing writer and should really consider getting out of the carwash business. There is money to be made in books and with your talent you could sit back and watch people wash your cars.
Best of luck in all that you do. My prayers go out to you and all of our other soldiers who are serving now. We, the civilians, will never be able to repay any of you for what you are doing for us and for our children.
Stay safe, dry and sandless.
Posted by: amy on May 21, 2003 10:24 AMRegarding Szaffireblue's Comments two postings above:
1. "everyone ought to quit taking themselves and the military so god damned seriously as this is war for chrissakes and nothing is sacred."
Good Lord...yes, it is a war. People carry loaded weapons and drive very large powerful vehicles with few of the safe guards we have in place here in the U.S. It is even more important than ever that our troops safety is guarded. Add alcohol, and you have a disaster. Will is a non-commissioned officer in the U.S. Army. He is supposed to be a leader and look out for the safety of those around him.
2. "be kind enough to cut our young hero some frickin slack or at the very least hump your petty ass lump of a carcass off to war and see how long you teetotaling temperance days last."
OK, that was a personal insult. To set you straight, lady, I WAS in the first Gulf War, and unlike Will, I am was in a combat arms unit that did get shot at. Unlike Will, I saw some people get seriously injured (though not killed) in combat. For your information, I remained sober the entire time we were deployed, and expected the same of my soldiers. It is clear you don't have the intelligence to understand the severity of the situation over there and look at it as some sort of sitcom. It isn't. Will's blog gives some humor to the "hurry up and wait" aspect of a war, but there is a lot that is much more serious and tragic. Let me ask you this...what would you think if Will (...or one of your nephews you discuss in YOUR blog if they were enlisted) were killed by an Army truck driver (or a Marine enlisted troop drunk on a bottle of Johnny Walker) who happened to be drunk or very hung over while operating a vehicle in a port area?
Posted by: MAJGreg on May 22, 2003 05:30 PMHi Will,
if you continue to wash,wash,"attention that you don't wear out!!!"by 3 girls don't smokers.instead of think at the cigarettes that you don't smoke,because don't stop smoke!Bè,for ten days we aren't us,we know that you bore without us, we return soon.
CIAO by 3 italian girls Milena,Adriana,Ilaria
MAJGreg-
First of all I thank you for your sober service. Now how does that path of righteous earn you the right to judge others?
I see you have disdain for those of us who have not served in combat. Well, Major I am no stranger to life and death situations.
Does that earn me the right to have a sense of humor during wartime? Or does joshing around mean that mean I place less value on human life than a govt that sends its citizens off to kill and be killed?
Seriously, what are we fighting for? If our "freedom loving" president does not want to preserve our right to the pursuit of happiness, then the American Dream is seriously under threat. .
Furthermore, when Will went to Bahrain he was not operating a vehicle. My point was that when in a blog someone chooses to reveal something, we ought not then (as you have) turn around and use that against them.
That is not to say that people should not be held accountable for their actions. But I believe that Will took responsibility for his.
I am not his commanding officer and frankly, Maj Greg you are not mine.
So with all due respect, please do not presume to know whether or not I comprehend tragedy brought on by war, my personal experience with death and dying or my intelligence level.
For someone who seems to pride themselves on how well they carried themselves in combat, you are sorely lacking manners in civilian life. I mean, "Good Lord" taking shots at my nephew, he is a child.
You make me M.A.D.D. Yes, I am a member.
Here, let me fix you a drink and help you lighten up a bit.
(That was a joke - can you take one?)
Oh and don't call me lady, cuz' I never claimed to be one and you surely did not mean it respectfully.
Major it has been a pleasure sparring with you but I just as soon we lay this dead horse to rest.
R.I.P. Johnnie Walker Red
Szaffie
Posted by: SzaffireBlue on May 26, 2003 03:20 AMJoin the Linux community.
Posted by: Hieronimus on July 6, 2004 02:07 PM
Will is a pretty good writer and this is the collection of his writings. It'll be interesting to hear updates from a soldier's point of view, so I'll be posting them for all to read.
Take care Will