Hello All,

Greeting from the land of Kuwait where every day is a trip into the Inferno. Well, things have been relatively quiet here. It's a kind of simple life consisting of marking time (see Army for marching in place), washing ammo, sleeping and a general avoidance of my old friend, Mr. Sun. I remember when Mr. Sun was my very good friend (see Forest Gump accent), and he kept me alive and warm in Wisconsin, but those days are over. Mr. Sun is very hot here, and while I appreciate everything that he has done for me in the past, and everything he will do for me when I leave this wasteland, we are not on the best of terms. It isn't that I don't like Mr. Sun, on the contrary, I love him, it's just that I don't need quite so much of him right now. But that isn't what I want to tell you about today. Today I'd like to talk about the finer points of washing.

You see, I like to consider myself something of a connoisseur of washing. In my chosen Army career, we wash vehicles and people and sometimes even buildings (don't ask how we do it, just trust me when I tell you its interesting). I've washed tanks, trucks, helicopters and so much more. It really is an interesting job. I think that everyone understands the basics of washing, and when I ask (you didn’t know there would be a quiz today, did you?) what the one critical element of washing might be? Yep, you've guessed it (I knew you were smart, considering that you're already reading this little rant), WATER. Water is the essential ingredient to every wash. Soap is also important, and scrub brushes and mops (do you remember the mop issues from Wisconsin? I sure do), but nothing get clean until you have water.

Now the desert is void of water (yeah, I know that you already knew that, just work with me a little here, ok?), and the Navy (did you know that the marines are a part of the navy? No wonder the marines hate the navy, lots of people hate their bosses) has done a superb job supplying us with water up to this point. We use tens of thousands of gallons of water a day washing ammo, and the marines that are washing tanks were using about the same amount, thanks to some recycling equipment to filter the dirty water (Yep, the military is trying to help out the planet by reducing and recycling wherever possible, and trust me, it IS a frigging pain in the ass). They were only using the same amount of water as us, until the filtering system broke down. The desert will destroy anything mechanical sooner or later, actually, if it was made by man, the desert will destroy it sooner or later (if it sounds like I'm trying to personify the desert as a living creature, evil and cunning, I

am. I am convinced that it is just like the ocean, and will kill you if you don't respect it), but I digress, I was talking about filters.

The filters are all jammed up and the marines can't recycle their waster water. That means two important things: 1. The marines are going to have to shovel out the water collection trench by hand, and that's a lot of slime and gunk. 2. They need loads more water. How much water? Have you ever seen a M-1 Abrams tank? It's bigger than ANY apartment I've ever lived in, and it collects a lot of slime and gunk. Now think about how much water 12 of those tanks need to get clean in a day. Yep, I think you're beginning to see my point (and the point of recycling). They're using all the water for the tanks, and we can't get any for the ammo. Assholes. Prepare to rant, RANT!

Ok, so we don't get any water to wash the ammo. Let me break down how this is chafing my radish (see Burning My Ass!). Washing ammo is not very glorious, but it needs to get done. My father taught me an important lesson as a boy, "Do it right, do it now, do it right now." These are great words, and I try to live by them and that's why I get pissed off when I run out of water and can't finish my work on my shift. I hate leaving a job undone, especially in a testosterone based culture like this one where failure on any level is a sign of weakness.

The next is that we are washing ammo. Ammo is designed to kill people, and if we don't get it washed quickly and out of our AO, it sits around until it does get washed. And if it doesn't get washed out, it sits out. Sits out like a great big friggin target that any haji (see Army for Indigenous Personnel, or locals) with a death wish because daddy didn’t love him, he can't read and some retarded fuck stick told him that he'd get 63 virgins if he blew himself up for Allah can use to hurt me and mine. Why, why you might ask? So that tanks, you know the big things that don't blow up (at least not if they're made in the U.S.), can get washed! An Iraqi tank couldn't kill these things, so you know that some terrorist asshole with a pipe bomb isn't going to do shit. Now, I've seen stupid things, hell I've done stupid things for the Army, but it takes the Navy to top off my career stupidness level! These assholes are risking my people because the tanks don't want to fall be
hind schedule.

Yes, we have security. Loads of it. Rifles, Machine Guns, Grenade Launchers, concertina wire (see Razor Wire with a kick), barricades, walls and guards with exceptionally bad attitudes always on duty. But, if I were a terrorist, and I really wanted to zap some GI’s, you can bet your ass that I could get it done. And that’s what really scares me. If I can figure a way to hit us, the bad guys can too.

Luckily, we have Navy personnel working down by the ammo wash with us. And, even luckier, they are Navy Reservists, and that means they can think. After listening to a logical explanation (see yelling, not quite screaming), decided that they would stop sending ammo that can hurt us, and start sending inert (see non-killing material).

Now you might be thinking, "What about the Gulf? There's a shitload of water in the Persian Gulf, why not use that?" Can't. It's got salt in it, and that would be bad for the ammo. Ok, that I can deal with. If it's bad for the ammo, I don't want it.

So here we are, fists inserted rectally (see Doing Nothing), waiting for someone to figure out where the problem is, and fix it. Trust me, I wish I knew where the problem was at. I have a way of fixing things. Especially when common sense fails. It's too bed we don't have a Sergeant Major around to throw some weight and give us a hand, but he's probably too busy correcting a uniform violation somewhere.

I love you all,
Will

PS Happy 4th of July to everyone. Have fun and be safe, I don't need any fireworks this year, I've already had plenty.